Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

Happy New Year! What a blessed year we have had! I would have to say that 2009 has been the best year of my life. I don't cry often, actually my sisters nicknamed me "the tin man" for my lack of tears ( and heart?). Thinking about how much I love this beautiful little girl that God has given us makes me misty eyed. I feel like I have grown in different ways as well. My whole world revolves around Isabella. At first, it took a little getting used to- thinking of someone else over yourself all the time. Now, it is just way things are- and I love it! Motherhood definitely changes you- for the better. I love watching her explore this world and seeing things through her eyes in wonder. Simple things like chasing her around the room, clapping her hands for her and seeing her squeal in delight, and sleeping her on my chest give me the greatest joy. Being a mother gives me the slightest insight into how much God loves us. How He loves us to give us these blessings on earth like family, friends and so many fun memories. How He loves us to give His son to die for us. Watching Isabella bump her head and cry makes me hurt for her; how much more pain did God go through watching His son die a horrible death for us? What memory stands out for you for this past year? What do you have planned for the new year?

Here we go again!

Well with the new year right around the corner, I decided to make some obligatory resolutions. This one has been on my list as long as I can remember- reading my Bible more! Jacob and I started a reading plan to read through the Bible in a year. We started early to give us a head start on helping it stick. I've heard that if you do something new for 2 weeks straight, then you can make that a new "habit" and it is more likely to stick. We'll see...I got a wonderful new study Bible for Christmas. So I'm hoping that helps aid in my comprehension, thus helping me stick to it! That is usually why I give up- I have no clue what I'm reading! I am also going to try to write more in this forgotten blog. I started off good, then.. well, life got in the way! Isabella is a busy little one to keep up with. The third resolution I wish I could say, but I know better with the way things are around here are.. is to work out more. I'm just going to stick with trying to stay active, how ever that comes about- errands, cleaning, chasing Bella, or the rare actual work out! I like to work out, it's just a little tricky with the treadmill in Isabella's bedroom. When she is sleeping is the only time to use it. It's also the only time to get my Bible reading in! So, I'm just going to stick with that one and see how I do. What's your new year's resolution?

Changing my attitude

Wow, I must be busy because it's been a while since my last post! I'm sitting on the couch thinking about what's new with me. Isabella is playing by herself. I love when she does that. It's so fun to watch her explore and pull out her toys and walk around the table/couch.



I have good news- my sister, Amy and her husband, Bob are moving nearby! They were here for the past 2 days house hunting. They found one that they liked and put an offer on it. So now it's time to wait. It will be so nice having her close. I have wanted to be close to my family since I moved away to college (almost 10 years now!) Now it is actually happening and we are moving in August! Jacob has to remind me that this is a blessing, because either way we are still closer than we were before. We will still be close when we move- about 3 hours, but not as great as 45 min!

I think God must be working on me. I have wanted to have a house since we have been married (2 1/2 years). Now more and more of my friends are getting houses lately. I am very happy for each and every one of them. A part of my still wishes it was my turn. But I think this experience is a good growing lesson for me. We are talking about love for this week in my Bible study. This is a good test to see how loving I can be. Can I love and be excited for others happy moments without letting my jealousy overcome me?

The Bible study that I have been doing is called "Lord, change my attitude." It has been life changing. It addresses some attitudes that we all have at one time or another and to very degrees. These attitudes- complaining, covetness, critical, doubting and rebellious ways are replaced with thankful, content, loving, faithful, submitting hearts. These wrong attitudes are actually seen as sins by God. He has made us wonderfully and given us so many different gifts. We each need to take time to think about what we DO have and be thankful for it. This has been my new way of thinking. Well, at least what I'm striving for!

Feeling blah..

So here we are again- Sunday night. It doesn't have the same feeling as it used to.. the dread of a new work/school week. Usually not really because it was so awful, but just because the weekends are just great and relaxing! Yesterday I was in a grumpy mood. I was trying out my new skill of not complaining ( thanks to my Bible study..) so therefore I was very quiet for most of the day. Kinda like the old adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It was gray and rainy out, so that didn't help my mood. Everything I thought of to do entailed money and/or going outside. I was just weighed down with the stress of being couped up and with Bella 24/7. So, I pretty much just laid around most of the day. I was a little frustrated thinking about my younger sisters. They were both having great weekends! See- that's the problem when you compare your circumstances with others! I knew that I should have been focusing on the great things that I have now. Jacob pointed out that when we got married we had some exciting times like they are having now. It all comes around. One sister got married in August, the other one is getting married this coming June. Poor Jacob, he tried his hardest to cheer me up. I was just in a mood! I didn't even know exactly what I wanted. I think that was biggest part of the problem. If there was really something I wanted to do or something that was bothering me, I could have found a way to try and fix it.

I started to listen to a fiction book on cd. So far I'm in the middle of the 3rd cd out of 18. I can listen while I'm playing with Isabella or cleaning and doing random things around the house. I try to make sure the TV is not on the whole day, but it gets too quiet around here otherwise. Finally it was time to go to church. Singing worship songs and the sermon turned my mood up. Jacob made dinner and I got Bella ready for bed. Then we had nice night together. We watched a movie and then played Scrabble. Sounds quiet and boring, but after my day- it was fun! It was a mini date night at home. Sooner or later, I'd like one out too!

Today was much better. This morning, we went to a class on understanding scripture at church. The weather had cleared up by the time we got out of church. It was a little cooler today. It's really starting to look like fall now. I love it! I went to do some errands. I decided that I am going to make some hoodie towels for gifts (Isabella included!). I hate to say it because I feel kinda shallow- but going to the store and buying some stuff made me feel better. We've had a good day at home. I made some homemade cinnamon rolls. We had fun playing with Isabella. She has been a little fussy lately. It doesn't help that she is getting ready to walk, so she is constantly bumping her head into something- usually the coffee table!:( She has a little walker that she pushes around. It's so cute. She's not completely independent with it yet. She's doing pretty well for just shy of 9 months though. All in all a pretty good weekend. Sorry, this is a boring blog post! To make up for it, I'll put a little video of my darling practicing walking:)

Counting my blessings

I am enjoying a quiet weekend that is sadly coming to an end. Most of my days have been very quiet around here (with of course the intermittent screaming or crying from Isabella..). I feel like my life is so wrapped up in taking care of Isabella that I have slowly given up on me. I have noticed this lately and am trying to do something about this fact. I want to use my time wisely and count my blessings. One of them I guess I have now is time. Since I have time, now I can read, volunteer, spend time with God and of course enjoy watching Isabella grow and change everyday!

I started going to a women's Bible study on Thursday mornings. I love it so far! I love the time with adults for 2 whole hours. Isabella goes to childcare. I love the study- it's called "Lord, Change my Attitude" and that in a way it "forces" me to make some time for me and God. I have tried to do devotions on my own- it doesn't work out too well for me. So this way, I have the "student" mentality and I have to get my homework done. Accountability is a good thing.

I have been able to get more reading for fun in. Today I finished my Karen Kingsbury book. This one wasn't as good as her's usually are. Tomorrow I'll go to the library and find another..

I am half heartedly looking for a part time job, but one that I can either take Bella with me or not be away too long- which is a tall order! Therefore, there's not much. I was looking into possibly nannying. It's hard to believe but I miss teaching. The reason why I say "hard to believe" is because when I was teaching, there were many days that I was ready to pull my hair out and days that I longed for quiet time. I miss getting out and feeling helpful and interacting with more people on a daily basis. To foster a little of my "teacher-ness", Jacob and I are volunteering to teach the Kindergarten class at church next month. Now I have time that I can use my interests and abilities to help find additions for the kindergarten curriculum already in place with our children's ministry.

I've been feeling more crafty lately, but unfortunately it's only in my head and nothing is getting done quite yet! I dream of these cute ideas and opening up an etsy page. But that takes some inventory of many crafty items- of which I have to make! ( and purchase supplies..) I might get ambitious and make Bella a hooded towel. I've found some directions online. I really like the ones with animal heads on them. A baby or small child is the absolute cutest thing when dressed up like any animal! I haven't found directions for that yet though..

My mind going a little numb hanging out with an 8 month old all day. Jacob and I do have some devotional time together alternating between 2 different books or the Bible. We get a few good thoughts and conversation about those. One book we are reading is about making traditions in your family. We are striving to make a meaningful, Christ centered life for our family. We want our children to know the love that we have for them and to know the love of our savior, Jesus. We want to make everyday and holidays special in our home. The little things are the things that I cherish the most about my childhood. The other book we are reading is about having a strong Christian marriage. We haven't been married that long but we realize that it is a gift. We want to build it up on a strong foundation.

Random thoughts

Well I'm certainly not bored anymore! I have been going all day today and yesterday. I am in the middle of about four different projects. I'm trying to finish curtains for Bella's room, finish laundry, cook dinner and clean out the closet! All this while Isabella is getting a painful tooth up on top. So I've had to take some breaks just to cuddle. When this tooth comes in, I think she'll look like a Jack O'lantern;) Speaking of Jack O'lanterns and halloween, that has been an on going debate for Jacob and I the last few days. I'm for halloween in moderation- no scary things! Jacob doesn't see the point of celebrating a 'non-holiday'. We have been making some thoughtful decisions about how our family will celebrate upcoming holidays. We have found many Christ centered ideas to make part of our traditions. Maybe around Christmas time I'll tell you more about them, and how they are going. Actually I probably won't know tell Isabella is like 6 and we see if she is excited about doing these traditions..What are your thoughts about halloween and how to celebrate holidays in a Christian focused way?

Now it is Thursday- I was too busy on Tuesday to even finish this post! The weather this whole week has been absolutely perfect! Sunny but not too hot. Bella was a disaster this morning. Screaming and bumping her head in to everything! I was trying to get ready. I thought it would take me about 10 min. I should have known by now that everything takes longer. At one point Isabella was eating tissues out of the garbage! Lovely! I thought I was being good by bringing her in the bathroom with me while I put on my 3 min. worth of makeup. I almost gave up on going out at all. After we got there (she fell asleep on the way) then she was in a great mood. So I finally got to playgroup, it was at a nice park. Bella was walking around holding a short bench and had fun in the swing. Now she's sleeping again. I'm trying to be productive while she is napping. So far I got the prep work for dinner done and I'm in the middle of making some baby food. Tomorrow we are going out of town for a bridal shower that I am throwing for a good friend. I'm looking forward to that and most importantly seeing parts of my family!

This has been a fast week. Very busy and productive. I love it! But it also makes me sleepy! Speaking of sleeping.. this is kinda weird- last night I found 4 straight pins in my bed! Thankfully I didn't get stabbed with any of them. How did they get under the covers?! I cleaned out my sewing box on Tuesday when I was finishing the closet. But that was on top of the covers. Oh yeah, when I cleaned out my closet I made a box of stuff to try and sell. So far I've made $15. Doesn't sound like much, but I'm pretty excited. Little things like that, I see God in. We normally budget just enough for gas for Jacob to go to work and me once a month for errands. Since we are going out of town that $15 will get us half a tank of gas. That's what we need to get there. I think I might put a couple other things on craigslist and see what happens. Ok, I think that's enough random rambling for now.

I'm bored!!

Do you ever say that? I've been in this mood all day long. I don't really want to do anything! It's too quiet, I don't have anything that I have to do. It's the perfect opportunity to read something great, or sew or anything else fun that I think of when I'm busy and can't do it! Sometimes I just get in a little rut. These are times when I loved being at home or even in college. There was always someone around to chat with or do something with. I don't really have anything particular on my mind, so I feel bad making Jacob stop reading the book he is enjoying to stare at me! So here we are..I guess I'll surf the internet for a bit. Hopefully I'll find some interesting tid-bits. Maybe I'll show you later.

Teaching and learning is life long...

Now that it's "back to school" time, I'm starting to feel a little off. I think that this is the first year (at least that I can remember!) that I haven't had a change in my schedule and am getting ready to go back to school as either a student or a teacher. I was starting to get a little sad about that and I was thinking about all the roles that I have had over the years. Sometimes I like change. I feel like I can usually go with the flow. When it comes to how I define myself, that's a little harder. When I meet new people and they ask "what do you do?" I am proud to talk their ear off about little miss Isabella. But sometimes I wish I could talk about some of my jobs outside the home. I have always wanted to be a teacher. When I was little I wanted to be other random things like Miss America, a Rockette (I didn't even dance! My grandma would just always say that I had nice legs! he he!), and this is a little odd, but when I was in Kindergarten, I wanted to be a factory worker. Teacher (and mommy) was always on the top of the list.

So I went to college and got my degree, took a while to finally land a job and then the madness ensued! This was a great learning experience. Let's say that! There were definately some great kids, parents and other teachers that I worked with. There were also some terrors! I think I like the ideals of teaching, what it would be like in a perfect world. A classroom where all the students stayed in their seats and did what you asked them to do. Now I know that's not real life. I think that having that type of teaching experience has given me a little more realistic view about some of the tough things that parents and teachers have to deal with and has broadened my horizons.

So anyways, back to "role that we play". We can each have so many different things that we are- friend, sister, wife, mother, daughter...all at the same time! When I was feeling bad about not being able to put "teacher" on that list anymore, Jacob pointed out that I will always be a teacher because I am now a mother. I see that more everyday with the things that Isabella is up to. I also am volunteering at church to help teach kindergarten sunday school every couple months or so. It's a new chapter in my life. I'm trying to take advantage of the time that I have to myself (rare) and the time that I have with Isabella. I'm now able to do some of the things that I wanted to do before, but was too busy with school (again either in it or teaching it). I can invest time in my hobbies like sewing and scrapbooking. I can volunteer and take Bible studies at church. I'm also looking into the possibility of nannying part time for a few hours each day, if (of course) I can bring you know who!...I'm trying to leave it up to God what I fill my days with. I'm also trying to be positive and thankful for this time too. (most of the time it works!)

Don't worry, Be happy (at least that's what I'm trying to do)

So I can't sleep. I'm doing the opposite of helping this cause by being on the computer! I feel like I need a little outlet though. So remember how in my last post I said that this tight budget was kinda fun? Well, I have changed my mind! I'm awake now worrying. Not about anything particular. Jacob read Matthew 6:26 to me. I know that we will have clothes and food to eat. I know that Jesus will provide. I don't know exactly what it is. But I don't like this feeling in my stomach and the fact that I can't sleep! I think I'm worried about upcoming other random expenses-like gifts and such. I love to give gifts to the people I love. It's going to be a little harder this year. I'm trying to think now of all the crafty, creative things that I can do. I have heard the Bible stories about giving up things to show your commitment and passion to God. I always thought, "yeah, that's nice. That's the right thing to do." Now I feel it much more. It's a bit uncomfortable, but I think I am growing in Christ through this experience. Plus I should probably get used to it! When we go to seminary things will probably be like this too.

I guess I never realized how easy I had it before. It's not like money was no object. I still would pay attention to prices and think if I should really buy it. I think I'm just wired that way . Even when we registered for gifts for our wedding. I still looked at prices, even though I wasn't buying it, and usually picked the cheaper thing. The other day I went to the mall to wander and window shop. I thought this was a great idea to get out of the house for free. It was okay while I was there. Then that night I had a major jealously fit. I was going in every direction, comparing me to others, wondering why I couldn't just go and buy some fun things sometime, how things just don't seem "fair", how it's hard to be at home all day with Isabella (even though I know it is a huge blessing and love being home with her).. all sorts of things. Jacob was so understanding and caring about all this. We take turns being the "sane" one!;) ha ha.. I tell him when he's being crazy too. But usually for much different reasons than my crazy is! I go in waves with these sort of feelings. I think it's a girl thing. I know that God is leading us. I'm sure of that. I know that I'm truly and richly blessed (even in material goods, but I don't feel like it now!) Now is when the rubber meets the road as they say...I have to trust that God will not fail us and will provide abundantly.

the frugal life is a good life

Well now that our path is decidedly pointed towards Louisville,KY/seminary in a year, we have tightened our budget. I thought that we were pretty frugal before.. Well we are have gotten even better. I have to say it's kinda fun. I feel so great when I get a deal. It's like a little game to me. I found this website-www.kraftfoods.com and there is part of the site that has a menu/grocery planner on it. I love it. I feel organized and it's one less thing to think about during my surprisingly busy days. I have dinner all planned out for the whole week. I only spent $45 for everything this week:) I started shopping at Aldi. They have some pretty good and cheap food. The downfall is they don't everything that a larger supermarket has. Actually now that I think of it, it might be a good thing. That's how I can stay focused and get the things I actually need. My parents shop there. When I was younger I used to be embarassed bringing my lunches with non name brand things in it. Now I'm all about it! The food tastes just as good, so there's no problem here. We are also eating out a lot less. When we made up our new budget, I thought this would be hard to give up eating out one or two times every weekend. It's not so bad though. We can still go out sometimes, just not every week.

Garage sales, Goodwill and Craigslist-these are a few of my favorite things! I have found most of Isabella's things through one of these places. My thinking is as long as Bella is happy and safe, then a (clean) second hand thing is just as good. Actually I think it's usually better because it's like a third of the price as it is new! Especially when they are babies and don't know what they have nor do they care. It's amazing how fast she is growing. I can hardly fit in time for her to wear all of the cute new outfits (that we got as gifts) before she grows out of them! I was looking at all of her toys out today. I think I spent a total of $15 or $20 and she can more toys than she knows what to do with. You know kids, they're usually happy with the odd things like a piece of paper or a bucket and a spoon!

Have you ever seen that show on TLC, 18 kids and counting? Some of the things they do as a family is amazing. I love the way they are debt free. They regularly shop at thrift stores. They make things like laundry detergent, all their meals and even their own home! Last but not least (or related to being thrifty!) all of their children obey and show respect!

I think of my mom, she says "I was 'green' before it was cool to be." It's very true. When we were little, we used to think that our mom was just plain cheap. But now I see the wisdom in her ways. If there is something dry in a ziplock bag, rinse out the crumbs and use it again. If you out grow or don't need some clothes or household item, don't throw it away- give it away. In short recycle and reuse as much as possible. Not only is it helping your wallet and the earth, it's showing good stewardship. That's what God would want from from us, to be responsible for the wonderful gifts He has given us!

Wedding fun

Well let me tell you about our adventures from the wedding outting! It started with a very abrupt waking up super late for our plane. We woke up at 6:30 on Thursday (Jacob accidently turned the 5 am alarm off) and our plane left at 7:30! Thankfully we were all packed. We threw some clothes on, I dressed poor sleepy Bella and we were out the door in 12 minutes! ( but no breakfast:( We ran in the airport and made it. Jacob with his shoes and belt in hand! An hour later we were in Philly. The rest of the day went pretty fast. We had some fun family time all in the pool. Christine (our youngest sister), her boyfriend, John and I helped Amy with wedding favors. Saturday- wedding day! The boys went golfing. I can't remember what the girls ended doing! Maybe the reason for my fogginess of the order of events is because Isabella was a bit of a nightmare! She was screaming for a good portion of Friday and Saturday. I think many factors played into this- teething, consistpated (tmi?!) and mostly just not home. So anyways Saturday was a beautiful day. Amy and Bob looked great. The whole ceremony was beautiful, calla lilies everywhere. Christine and I (we were the maid and matron of honor) had our speech at the reception. It went quite well if I do say so myself. Bella just kept being passed around to different wonderful friends and family since Jacob and I were both in the wedding. We brought the pack and play to the reception and we were able to put Isabella to bed for a bit while we danced and ate dinner.

Sunday we woke up to thunder and rain. I should have known then that wasn't a good sign for flying that day. Thankfully Amy and Bob were driving to South Carolina for their honeymoon and not flying. We had a little breakfast with family and friends, all meeting together in the lobby. One of Amy's friends took us to the airport. When we got there we saw a long line waiting out in the rain. Then a long line inside for ticketing. We got in line and was moving along pretty well. Then little miss Isabella woke up and boy did she have a suprise for us! Remember what one of her problems was from the past few days? (no poop..) Then an explosion! YUCK! All over her car seat and everything:( I ran to the bathroom with her and tried to clean her up as best and fast as I could while Jacob waited in line. We got to our gate and everywhere was so crowded. No seats, so we sat on the floor for a while. Thankfully we didn't have to stay on the floor too long.. Everyone's flight was either delayed at least 2-3 hours or cancelled altogether. Our flight was suppose to leave at 2:50 and we ended up being in the airport all day! I think God wanted to give us a break after such a hard time with Bella over the weekend, because she was simply AMAZING! We were in the airport for like 6 or 7 hours. I think we got on our plane around 6 something. By the time we landed, got our bags, drove home it was 9 pm! What a day!

this week..

Well I was reading my last few posts and I decided that I need to update. Last time I talked about going to seminary it was still 2 or 3 years out. Now we have decided and felt called to go next year (fall 2010)! We are excited about this news:) Jacob is done with the application and needs to just finish up a few other things it asks for and then its off (the mail). We are looking to go to Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. I guess I'm going to have a southern bell for a daughter after this! After seminary, we have no clue where we are going or what we are doing. I'm hoping that somehow we can end up closer to my family. But not holding my breath on that one. Please keep us in your prayers with this whole situation. There are many unanswered questions as of right now. I'm okay and not stressing though. I know that God is totally in control of this!
My sister is getting married next weekend. I remember this week for me 2 years or so ago. Finalizing everything. Having the realization that this long awaited day is finally near. All the fairy tale dreams you had of a little girl are coming true. You will be a wife now, a true grown up! (even to this day, it still catches me off guard sometimes that I'm a "Mrs."!) You will be with this man for the rest of your life! The time goes by so fast. Enjoy Amy and Bob! I love you!

An Isabella Update

I can't believe that Isabella is 6 months old! She has been teething for the last week or so. I thought it was just one tooth, but today I saw 2 little white bumps on her little gums! Oh she will look so cute with 2 little teeth! Might not be as cute to breastfeed her though!;) She's been a little more fussy, (ok sometimes downright screaming!) and clingy lately. We had a pretty good day today. We were out at playgroup and then went to visit a friend. It definately makes the day go faster when I'm out and about. Some days it is just nice to stay home- make that most days! She had a little laughing fit. I love when she does that! Other times I will do the same things that made her giggle uncontrollably and I'll get nothin' out of her. She just looks at me like I'm crazy! Us parents, we are pretty crazy- the things we say and do just to get a smile or a laugh out of our little ones! Today she pulled the cat's tail. I have to say that was pretty funny. (not to the cat, though!) She can sit by herself for much longer now. She's getting so big! We had her checkup last week. She weighs 17 lbs and is 26 inches! 75% still! She is eating some baby food at dinner time. Not a fan of the veggies so far..
I was looking at trying to reorder some of the very cute pictures that we got at JcPenney's. Now I wish I had gotten two different additional pictures...They are $15 a sheet! I was all proud of myself because I had a coupon when I got the pictures done and it was $40 total. It's a little overwhelming to order right after the photo shoot. Every picture looked great! But I was trying to stay in some sort of a budget. The lady had said to get them now while I had the coupon price.. Grr!! I have to tell myself that in a couple of months she'll look different again and I'll get more pictures! That's some sort of a consolation..

Catching up

Wow, it's been a while since I've had time to sit down and write. I feel like I've been busy, yet I don't have a lot to say (hence why I haven't written much in a while!). Today was a day of frustrating moments. I am going to vent now- I went to get my bridesmaid dress hemmed. It's going to be $82!! I don't know if that's a lot for alterations, but I feel like it is. Even if that's a decent price, $82 is still a lot to pay out of pocket for a one time wearing, not to mention buying the dress to begin with! Why can't girls rent dresses for weddings?! Or have a long, short or average height dress, then you pick which is closer to your size? I hate when I can't shop around (or do it myself) for a better price.

Let's see what else is new? Jacob is still seriously looking into seminaries. We might even go before the 2 years is up. He figures if God is calling him to the ministry, then we should go as soon as possible. It's exciting and a little scary to think about. But most things in life that turn out great usually are.

I am getting the apt. back to normal. It always takes a few days to get organized and clean after being away. I'm about 3/4 done. I think I scared Jacob last night because I got a burst of energy at night and wanted to get everything done. It was annoying me all day, but I have to stop at a moments notice to take care of Bella when she's crying.. I get stresed when stuff is everywhere. I can handle some mess here and there, but this was out of control!

I have stopped watching TV for the most part. I watch an hour here and there, but all the sudden it was change in me. I just couldn't stand any of the shows! I have been busy ever since. I have a stack of books and magazines I got at the library that I longingly look at every day. I did watch a bit of Michael Jackson's funeral. I think that he was a great entertainer, but I think they are going a little over board with making him out like a saint. Giving money to charities and being a good dad is great. I think it's what he was called to do with the amount of money that he had. I'm glad that he was able to find joy in his children.

God is moving in me

I feel like God is moving more and more in my life. I can tell because I am open to what God's calling us to in our lives are now. Things that worried me before, don't bother or worry me anymore. I am willing to work for Him and guide our family in that way. If I have to sacrifice some "earthly treasures" to follow Him, than that's what I truly want to do. Sometimes I need to remind myself of this! But in the end, I do want to do what God wants for me and our family. Previously, I had talked about Jacob's desire to go to seminary. We are praying about everything that would entail. I feel open and actually excited about moving and the whole process. Jacob has a desire to study languages and possible missions work. I'm not so excited about that part. It is hard for me to be here 7 hrs away from my family. A different country would be really hard for me and them to handle. Right now, we have our phones and are on the same time zone. We make it work and are still pretty close, even though we are not physically together. We are paying off our student loans now, so seminary is still 2 to 3 years away, but I pray that God will continue to work on my heart and mind about the whole thing. By that time, I hope to be pregnant with our 2nd child. We would have to juggle school, working (possibly for me part time too) and spending time as a family. But a lot can happen in a couple of years! We have been married for only 2 years and our hearts are totally different than when we first met each other. Not to mention we are parents now, too! So, I'm sure that God will work everything out and lead us where He wants us. It might not even be to seminary by then! We feel that by paying off our debts we are free to go and do whatever. Not to mention, it's a smart idea in general. I didn't realize how much extra we are paying in interest! We won't be tied down to anything. I feel so blessed that God is working on both of us and growing us together more and more. We have different talents but I feel like we work together really well. I have a desire to know God more. I get caught up in too many outside things to really focus, but deep down I do want that! I see God working and as Jacob put it last night, "it's ok if I'm not a Bible scholar. That's what he's for!" I value Jacob's diligence and discernment for what good, true teaching is. He is my guide and true spiritual leader (as a husband should be). We are doing a family devotional before bed now. It's a short one, based on the Westminster Shorter Catechism. One day we hope to do this again with Isabella (and any other future children).

photos

What a nice lazy Saturday. I am finally getting around to organzing some photos online. Yesterday I conquered a lot of prints that I had around the house. I just put them in a quick photo album. I used to really be into scrapbooking. I still like it but it is very time consuming. I think I'll just have to find some especially cute ones to scrapbook when I get some time. Hmm.. that will be when Bella is a teenager and doesn't want to be with me anymore! :(

It's wierd to look through all these old photos. Different hair shades and styles, old friends that I haven't seen in forever- but looking at the photos just bring me right back to when they were taken. The quiet girl in high school, the fun times in college and now quiet a lot of my Bella boo! My favorites are the really old ones of me and my siblings growing up-the big dorky glasses and all! I take even more pictures now than I used to with the old film cameras. I'm glad that we are able to capture so many memories. They are fun to look at now and I know even more special when she's not a baby anymore.

Here are some photos from our Chicago trip. (click to see them) We went to the Shedd Aquarium and stopped at the Indiana sand dunes of Lake Michigan on our way home. There's also a few of her first pool experience and one is a short video. Isabella is mostly 4 months in them. I also am going to put in some of the beautiful photos that our friend, Kelly (kellyheasleyphotography.com) did for us. If anyone needs some photos for any occasion, she's your girl!

Vacation

kellyphotos

To seminary we go?

Over one of our trips in the car, Jacob and I got to have some nice, quiet, uninterrupted time to talk. I told him that I feel like God has worked on my heart and I feel more comfortable with going where God wants us to go. Last year Jacob had expressed some interest in looking into seminary. At that time I was still pregnant and working. We didn't know what to expect with a baby.We are nowhere near expert parents but I feel more comfortable with Isabella and with myself in general. I feel like if God wants us to move in a couple years to do His work, then we should be open to it. Jacob has the heart, desire and drive to study and work hard. I have seen him work hard this year studying on his own. I still would like to be somewhat near my family but in the end I know that we will make whatever we do work. Our direction now is to pay our debt off and save a little. My dream of a settled down house will be on hold for a while. Good thing God has already worked on that in me a few weeks ago! So we still have a few years and not a clear or definite view of what we will do -but when do we?!

Random thoughts

Whew! What a whirlwind week. Last weekend (Memorial day) we went to Chicago. Wed. was our anniversary (2 lovely years so far) so the trip was kinda for that, and kinda just to get out of town for a little bit. Bella had her first time swimming and stay in a hotel. She is a great little traveler:) We came back on Monday. Then Friday night we were back in the car again to go to Rochester, NY for my sister's bridal shower.So now we're back. Back to cleaning, organizing, errands, etc. Where did May go? Tomorrow Isabella will be 5 months! She is growing so fast. We played a little game a peek a boo today and she was laughing and a smiling so much. It was so fun to see. I am thinking about the summer and I can tell it is going to go by very fast.

Ok, on to a totally unrelated topic, but I feel like I need to put my two cents in about about this. That, and I'm watching it while blogging..So, I have watched pretty much every episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 since it started and when nobody knew about the show. It just breaks my heart to see them on the tabloids every week now. I am frustrated to see that (as it appears) another couple who got a bite of celebrity-ism doesn't look like they are going to make it. I pray that they won't divorce. It's especially sad to watch old episodes now knowing what they are like now. I want to tell Kate to be her old self and to stop caring about the money and the fame. If she truly cares about her family and does everything for her kids, then she should stop the show and go to couples therapy immediately! It's weird to see each of them doing separate things in separate states. Yes, I know my opinion probably counts for nothing but maybe if we get together and pray, miraculous things can happen.I think I'll probably have to go on "strike" against it and stop watching it. Oh, another show down the drain:( Now there is pretty nothing I can watch!

I am blessed to have come from a great family. We truly enjoy spending time with each other. It's hard for me to imagine my parents not being together- how can that happen so fast. I'm glad that I have a great role model for our marriage. Our marriage is based on faith. I cannot think of myself without Jacob. Now that we have Bella, we see how little things could come up in between couples and turn into a bigger issue. We have to make sure that we make time for each other and talk about our feeling, always being honest. While we were home over the weekend, my sisters and I were remembering some funny/embarrassing moments of past boyfriends. Christine said "It's weird to think of our lives before our guys." I agree. I like it much better this way.

Sorry!

I have to apologize to my readers (the fabulous, but few) because that last post was grammatical a mess! Jacob had to go back and fix it for me. I will admit that I have never been good at writing. So if you see future blogs that are a mess, you will know that Jacob hasn't gotten a chance to read and fix my blog:) He keeps what I mean to say, but puts it in a way that people can actually read and understand what I am trying to say! Sometimes I just get so into what I writing about that I don't realize that it doesn't even make sense! Seriously, I read through them before I post and it makes sense to me because I know what I meant to say. Just another reason why I love my Jacob so!:)

Breastfeeding

Today I was at Babies r us finding a few things for our growing girl. I saw a lady walking around nursing her baby. She had a nursing cover over her, but still I thought it was really cool that she could just walk around like that. I don't think I could do that. First of all, I don't think I'm coordinated enough. Second, Bella is a little too big for carrying her like that. Seeing that made me wish that mothers could breastfeed in public more often and not feel like an outcast. I'm not saying we should just have our breast hanging out for all to see; but it would be nice if there were more areas where we could feel comfortable feeding our child. That's what our breasts were created for anyway!

Why don't public restrooms have chairs? After all, they have changing stations to help out mothers. I have had to sit on the restroom floor to feed Isabella before. I don't seem to think it's as gross as many people do. I do sit on a blanket and I wash my hands afterwards. I just feel more comfortable sitting alone to feed her.

Even odder than breastfeeding is how people don't flinch now seeing a half naked girl on every magazine cover at the grocery store! It just shows how sex obsessed our society is. It's very annoying to me! Almost every TV show and commercial has something in it that hints at sex, if it's not just going on and on about it. Why can't their be any normal family shows on anymore? With shows like the Cosby Show, Gilmore Girls, and (as cheesy as it was) Full House, you could just relax and enjoy watching TV with your family - kids included! I don't even want to think about how much more downhill TV and society in general is going to go by the time that Isabella is a teenager. EEK! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to come across pessimistic about everything. I know that their are "good" kids and parents out there. Sometimes it just gets a little hard to find among the bad news you see on TV. I hope and pray that with God's help that we can raise her and subsequent children in the Lord. That they will know what's good and right.

The Un-devotional

So we had a pretty good day. The weather was beautiful. I managed to sit outside for a few minutes and read while Bella was napping. The only problem was after a few minutes of reading in the quiet I wanted to take a nap too! I started to read the Bible from cover to cover. I have tried different reading plans and quickly failed. I don't get to read everyday, but it's coming along. I have 5 more chapters to finish and then I'll be all done with the book of Genesis. After that, it might get a little tricker with some of the following books! Reading through in order should help me see the cohesiveness of the Bible and all the random stories I know that are in there. Then I can see the big picture that God has drawn out for us. Once I told Jacob that I felt kinda bad because I can never stick to a daily devotional plan. He said "doing devotionals is not just a little thing you read and you're done. It's growing in Christ in all sorts of ways. It's living in Him." I thought this was so well put. So, now I don't stress out about it too much. I try to read the Bible, but mostly I try to live how Christ would want me to live. I have all these little ideas of things that I would like to do sometimes (scrapbooking,reading, cooking, cleaning, going on a date with my husband) but I can't fully devote myself to much of anything right now. But I'm actually okay with that. This time is precious and goes by too quick. So, I'm just enjoying the ride.

the long trip

It's amazing how fast this week went. I went to visit my family over the past weekend, so Monday was spent driving back and Tuesday was major laundry day. I left last Thursday to surprise my little sister for her college graduation. I think since I was excited to see her and see her reaction (as well as my whole family) the drive on the way up wasn't bad at all. The way home seemed very looong! Don't get me wrong, I was happy to come home to my lonely hubby. Hence why the next time we go up ( in a mere 2 weeks, again!) he's coming too!
So anyways, Bella was amazing in the car (both ways!) She just slept the whole 7 hrs. Can I tell you how much I love this little girl?! More everyday, actually! I figured I just had to get there and then I wouldn't be short of hands to help hold this little love bug. Boy, was I right!
Graduation festivities all went well. I'm glad I could be there. I also had my first mother's day there. I got a box of Cheerios (I love cereal, so somehow I always end up with a box for a gift!) a Berenstain Bear book, sippy cups ( ooh tupperware!), for some reason I feel like I'm leaving out one more thing- blame it on baby brain. On Monday I made my way back to good ol Ohio. I stopped at the first rest area and realized that I forgot to pack some extra diapers in the diaper bag before leaving my mom and dad's. Thankfully she was only a little wet then. So I just left it on. Then I had about 2 hrs left in the trip and I was getting very sleepy. I decided to stop and feed Isabella. At this point the diaper situation was a little worse. So I thought to my crafty self what can I use to make a diaper?! Here's the play by play of what I was thinking/doing. I had some cloth diapers that I use for spit and such. That should work. So I have that under her butt and she pees in the whole thing before I can figure out what to do with it. Oook.. what else now? A light flannel blanket. So I folded it as best as I could and quickly put the onesie back on and the pants over it to try and hold it in place because I obviously didn't have any safety pins to secure it. Oh, I should have taken a picture. She looked so funny! All bunched up all around her bottom:) I was laughing to myself as I was doing this in the bathroom. Then I put another blanket under her in the carseat and hoped for the best. We'll she was wet and dirty when we got home, but hey it worked! And it makes for a quite funny story if I do say so myself.

Birthdays for the fam

Isabella is 4 months as of yesterday. Time is flying! It is so fun to see all the things she is right on the edge of doing. She has rolled over once. She has laughed twice. I'm just waiting for more! Today she was very fussy. She had only a few cat naps-no long normal naps, therefore grumpy:( Thankfully it landed on a weekend and Jacob was very helpful with her. He had to carry her through the mall and then she would be quiet. I had to push an empty stroller;) I was excited to get out, but not so much when she was like that. Most days I guess I take it for granted how well she does. She is getting into a routine which has its perks but it has downfalls on days like this- when we're out. Even still, one little grin from her and it just lights up the room and makes it all better.
Jacob is now 27 as of Friday. I wanted to post something on the 1st, but time got away. Jacob is such a great husband and has helped me in my growing into the godly woman that I try to be. He is patient with Isabella and loves her so much. I love his inventive, silly songs that he makes up for her. He is also very diligent in his Biblical studies. All in all, I just wanted to take this time to say how blessed I am to have him for my husband and a great father to Bella and I love him more every day:) Happy birthday, honey! I'm excited to see what God does with us this year!

What's your idol?

This question has been on my heart lately. A lot of people nowadays think that idols are a thing of the past. Like the Egyptians bowing down to a golden calf or something. We think "well that's stupid! God is obviously not a calf! " But really we have many idols. An idol is anything that we value over God. I go through phases of what mine are. Lately it has been a house. I think that phase is waning now. We had to sign our lease for another year. So I'll probably start looking again next year. (Maybe we'll actually be able to move by then!) Many people value money, looks and intelligence. I know that I value my safety and my family very highly. I know that God has given me those as blessings. These things are all important in life, but we just have to know the placement of them within our lives.
This weekend at church, we had a different speaker than our regular pastor. His name was Efrem Smith. I really liked him. The topic was bridging our suburban lives/church with the city. He said this awesome thing, which I'm going to share with you. "God has blessed you more than you realize. He has blessed you to the point of overflowing so that we can be a blessing to others." Isn't that the coolest?! So with this blessing, we are to go out and use the talents and skills He has given us to help others. Instead of these talents taking time and importance over God, use it for Him! These things won't be an idol but a way to show glory. This can be in a myriad of ways. If your heart is pulled toward the mission field, then go! "Missions" doesn't always have to be across the world either- it can be just across town! If your heart is in music, research, children or the arts-use that talent for God. Sometimes you might not feel like every calling is what you would want. You have to listen to God and where and what He wants you to do. You have to be ready to let go of things that are in your safety zone (possibly those idols) to follow Him. Now just because I have written about this, doesn't mean that I have this all under control! I'm still growing, too!

Our amazing bodies

Ah! It feels good to be out of those tight jeans and into my jammies! Two weeks ago, I was pretty excited that I could fit back into those jeans. They were the last hold out of the pre pregnancy clothes that didn’t fit. Now they fit! Yay! But still a little tight…but on! Today I was watching Oprah, yes I know.. Oprah. Jacob doesn’t like that I watch it, but I don’t think it’s so bad. When she has weird guests or shows that conflict with my beliefs I don’t watch. Anyways, Kirstie Alley was on and she gained back all the weight that publicly lost. Weight is a difficult thing. I feel like most people are never happy with what they weigh. The media definitely doesn’t help. It’s either they are anorexic or too chubby. This of course is still when these celebrities are still underweight and would still look pretty darn skinny if they were walking around any normal town.

I have tried to make fitness a way of life for me. It’s not like I’m a gym rat by any stretch of the imagination. But I do feel better after I have a good work out. I usually try to get 30-45 min. in most days. Thankfully, Bella just likes to watch meJ I try to think about all the things that my body can do to make me feel better when I’m down about my body. Especially going through pregnancy, I feel like my body is amazing. God made our bodies amazing! I really didn’t have to do too much and inside was this perfect little being. Even 4 months later, it’s still amazing to me.

Ok, this just in-My friend, Kimberly, was having surgery. She just said that the drs. went in to remove cysts and they were completely gone! This normally wouldn't just happen. She and many other people were praying about this situtation. God took them away. What a miracle! He is using her body to show His glory!

Sunday's Sermon

At church the sermon was on ways we can worship. I really enjoyed this. Many of the issues spoke to me about things that are sometimes stumbling blocks for me. Some of the points that our pastor brought up, I never thought of as worship. Here's some of my thoughts about them. Some of them were:
-Building family like relationships within the church
I have seen this work with our small groups. I am so blessed to feel like I belong here. It can be harder to feel connected in a large church. Through being involved in Bible study with this great group of couples I feel connected. I don't have my family close by, so it's nice to know that I can call on someone in the group to help.
-Promote the sanctity of marriage
Our pastor brought up this point, which I really liked so I'll share it. He was pointing out that in the recent Miss USA pageant, Miss CA was scrutinized for having the belief that marriage should be between a man and woman. Perez Hilton was the one who asked the question and was also a judge. He gave her a 0 and consequently she lost the title of Miss USA that she would have won. She was the "wierd one" for having a tradition, Biblical view on marriage! I'm glad that she stuck up for herself and her beliefs ( especially since she was representing CA, where it was legal for gay marriages. I think that was over turned now, though...)
Also with the sanctity of marriage comes keeping the marriage bed pure. This means that you shouldn't be living or sleeping with your current boyfriend or fiancee or whatever. I have to admit that I had some past problems with this one. I fell into the worldly trap, that this was okay. But it's not! Until you have a ring on your finger and you can call that guy your "husband", that's when it is okay to do those things. It's one of my regrets looking back on things now. But it's also one of the ways that I know that I have become a new creation. Now, I can see that I have changed in my thinking.
-Stay free from materialism
This is another area that I stumble with. I have a weakness when it comes to materials and how things look to other people. Being a mother, some of that is thankfully going away. It's hard to care what others think of you when your baby is screaming and you have puke on your shoulder! I just care about what Isabella is thinking at that moment. I want to calm her down. Also, not going shopping is a great way to "stay free from materialism"! When you are trapped at home, this works. I have always been a bargain hunter, so it's not about having the nicest, newest things for me. I do like to have new things, but only if I got it for a great bargain!
American retailers play into our need for having the newest thing that will finally make life easier and better. The problem with this is it will never be achieved by having more stuff! You can see this fact with so many different people. The rich and famous have a lot of money and things and still feel so unhappy and lonely that they are driven to the party and drinking/drugs lifestyle. We feel a hole within ourselves and think that we can fill it with stuff; when it needs to be filled with Jesus!
-Learn from grace filled leaders
I think this one speaks for itself. I don't have anything to add to this one.
-Meet Jesus "outside"
This means we need to see Jesus in the inner city areas, in the homeless shelters and in the third world countries. When Jesus walked this earth, he met with people on the outside of society. The outcasts. I get an uneasy feeling when I am around the city. I am used to the bubble that is my life-the suburban lifestyle, where I feel safe. I am working on this. Actually, Jesus is working on this for me! I don't know if I could live downtown or something but I do want to at least change my way of thinking about so many people. I need to open up my heart more...
-Praise God continually
I'm not a great singer, musican or artist but whatever talents you have you can praise God though it. Even if it's cleaning and cooking! I always think singing is still a great way to praise God even if I don't sound good. I'm not singing for me or you, I'm singing for God. It all sounds good to Him:) plus it usually puts you in a good mood!
-Give of yourself
Lastly, giving of your most valuable resource, your time. We can volunteer in so many ways. We can give money to missions and our churches. Giving is a way of worship. It shows that you trust God for your security, whether it's finanical or safe surroundings. What we spend our money on shows what our priorities are.
Ok, that's it! I hope that some of these points or some little tidbit helped you see how you can worship more or think about it in a new way. Praise God! He is good:)

Having a "God moment"

I am awestruck looking into Isabella's eyes right now. She is just peacefully lying next to me. (not even sleeping, but very quiet!) I am thinking how blessed I am. Thank you Jesus for this wonderful life, family and special moments that I can spend quietly in wonder of you. I never knew how great being a mom would be. I love it! Thankfully, my own mother has given me a lot of good advice and a good head of my own. She is not like some other moms that I have heard of, always criticizing their daughter's ways of mothering. I know that everything I do or have happen won't be perfect. But I am thankful for even that, because it makes us grow and thank God for the great days that we have! I have always been bad at memorizing scripture. Right now, I wish I knew where to look for what I know I want to say...the verse is something like "Trust in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desires." I think it's in Psalms, somewhere... I have always wanted to be a mom, and He has given me this gift. While I was pregnant, I was hoping that I would have a little girl. Most of my friends were having boys, so I was preparing myself for a boy. I was delighted when the dr. said, "It's a girl!" (Obviously, if we ended up having a boy, I would have been okay, too. That's why we kept it for a surprise.. )

Marriage

Jacob and I started to read a new book called "This Momentary Marriage". It is written by John Piper. Ironically, last week I was talking with my small group from church. We were discussing how when you die and go to Heaven, your earthly husband won't be your husband in Heaven. There will be no ties like that. I have never heard that before! Then a few days later, we started to read this book together. (now I understand the title!) This book discusses how marriage should be a strong covenant as Jesus is to His bride, the church. In today's world, many people think that marriage is the next step after dating for a while, or that you can leave when things get tough. The apostle Paul knows that this covenant is to be lifelong and there will be difficult patches. That is why he issues warnings and says that everyone is not called to be married. This covenant is stronger than love.You must stay in your marriage even when you might not love your spouse. Marriage is designed by God. He made Eve for Adam. He "gave her away" as a father does a t a traditional marriage ceremony. When two are joined, they become one flesh.
It is a scary statistic to hear that half the marriages will end in divorce. I wish that more couples realized the monumental covenant that marriage truly is. Yes, it a joy, but it can be tough too. Thankfully I have parents that have been a wonderful role model to me. They have been married now for 30 years. Jacob and I fully understand the commitment to this covenant. We have been blessed with so many happy times so far. But I am not naive enough to think that we will never fight. I hope to be a role model to Isabella, future children and those all around us.

Random thoughts

Well, Jacob had to give me a little tutorial on blogging. Still feeling my way around this "new world". I'm old school- I usually like writing with an old pen and paper. I'm hoping that I can share about our life as an encouragement to others and well as just journaling my thoughts as an outlet while I'm at home in the semi-quiet days. I found a few other christian mom blogs. I feel that reading something light like a blog posting is manageable! I always have dreams of reading all these different books and it never happens. Mostly because I think I like to pretend that I read more than I really do! Also because my mind wonders, and did I mention a cute little one who keeps me unfocused as well?! I still do want to grow in the spirit, so finding other christian moms is encouraging. At times you can feel very alone. Especially on bad days! This past weekend, she had a couple of those days.. She was a screamer and crying a lot:( It makes my heart just break for her when I know that she is in pain. It's amazing how much pain gas can cause!!
When I'm at home I tend to daydream. Lately, I have been looking and dreaming about houses. I have to tell myself that there is no "magic bullet". You have to be happy where you are and with what you have. I know that I have many blessings. But I get caught up the the material world. That is one of my flaws and I try to rein it in when I notice that I am getting too materialistic. Sometimes Jacob and I are so similar, other times (most of the time) we are quite different. I think that God knew that and that's why we are together. He can be rational and tell me to wait. He will tell me when I'm being crazy. I know that God will lead us to the right house at the right time. Honestly, the apt. that we live in right now isn't that bad. I am feeling a little crowded and want a change of scenery! But who doesn't? I have to confess that there is one townhouse that I can't get out of mind, so I think I'll look at that one. It looks too good to be true. That will be it, though! Then I should probably just stay away from craigslist for a while. So, we'll see...Just be patient, right?!

Family times

Well, we're back home. Back to the old routine. Bella did so well on the plane! She cried for maybe a total of 5 min. the whole time (round trip!) I had still decided that even though she is a great traveler, I wouldn't try that without Jacob! There are a lot of things to bring when you have a little one. We had a great time visiting my family at my sister's apt. We always have so much fun when we're all together. Jacob thinks we get along freakishly well. Like a cheesy family sitcom or something. My mom was especially excited to see Bella. She couldn't believe how big she was. It was fun to show her off. She has such a good disposition. I love that I am able to take her out and most of the time she is really pretty good. At home it's even easier (most of the time!). I am getting to know her different types of cries and looks. I think she is going through a growth spurt. She seems a little more sleepy these past few days and ever time I look at her I feel like she looks bigger!

My sister Amy is getting married this August, so we did some wedding things with her. I love hanging out with her. We can go back and forth with inside jokes and funny memories from growing up and discuss what's new with us now. I wish that we lived closer. I wish I lived closer to everyone for that matter! But what is important is that when we do see each other (which is usually about every other month or so) it is fun and special. We all talk on the phone often and having things like my blog (if they actually read it!), facebook and sharing photos online really helps out. I know that I am blessed to have such a wonderful family. My parents recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. That is not an easy feat, especially nowadays. I always knew that they were good parents, but now that I am an adult and a parent myself I have a new appriecation and wonder about them.:) I pray that Jacob and I will have a long and happy life together like my parents have had. I love looking back on our crazy days as a big, growing family.

Before I was a mom

I got this as a text fwd, but I really liked it. So here it is...
Before I was a Mom…
I never learned the words to a lullaby. I never thought about immunizations. I had never been puked on, pooped on, drooled on, chewed on or peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple little grin. I never sat up for hours watching a baby sleep. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a mom. Before I was a mom..I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body.

School

AAHH! Boy, it's good to be home in the quiet! I went to volunteer at the school that I used to work at. There were kids literally running around the room. I feel so bad for the kids that actually want to learn. Because of the actions of about 5 students, 22 others can't get the right classroom environment to learn. On top of that it is just loud and chaotic. I was doing so well with limiting my snacking and watching what I was eating, but as soon as I got there I was scarfing down jelly beans as fast as I could! I want to make it clear that the room is like this not because of the lack of trying or a quality teacher in the room. I love the girl that is in there now instead of me. It's just crazy! Even though Isabella is only 3 months, every time I go it makes it 100% clear that I will be homeschooling her! Being there also gave me a new respect for moms who work outside the home and then come home and give their attention, patience and love to their kids. I'm thankful that Bella is sleeping now so I have a minute to decompress after just a few hours! I would feel terrible if I took out my frustration or stress on my child.
Teaching is a weird profession. Anybody can come in and criticize you and your classroom. At most other jobs, "outsiders" don't come in and tell you how to do your job. When I went to college, I had a completely different idea about how teaching would be. I think it's because of the great elementary school memories I have. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I like to be around children and especially helping anyone. When I started teaching last year, it was the hardest year. I was learning everyday way more than I ever did in college. If and when I ever go back to teaching, I would like to be at a small, Christian school. Not that those schools are perfect either, but I feel like it's a start in the right direction.

a fresh start

I love the mornings. I go in to get Isabella from her crib. She usually greets me with the biggest grin ever. It is the best feeling ever. Sometimes she is still sleeping, though. Looking at her is like falling in love every morning- pure joy! I heard yesterday while watching Oprah, something like motherhood is the greatest job because every day is a new day and you can do it over again. You can't screw up too bad! You can try again tomorrow. That's nice to know. No matter how bad the day was yesterday, it's a fresh start today. It's like that with knowing God, too. Everyday we get a fresh start. Jesus has taken away our sins and mistakes and makes us white as snow. With Easter coming this weekend, that fact is more on my mind. To understand the enormity of Jesus dying on the cross for ME just boggles my mind. God turned into man died a horrible death for little old me! I feel like He died for me, the very least I can do is live for Him.

At Home...

So I thought I would create a blog about my life; which pretty much means it's mostly about Isabella! For those that don't know, Isabella Grace is our beautiful daughter born on Jan. 2. She's 3 months now; and I must admit much more fun than her newborn self. I hear that it only gets better!

For some reason, she is usually fussier on Mondays. By six o'clock I'm definately ready for my husband to come home for a little relief and assistance before I go crazy. So that's where we are now; Every time I was ready to write, she would start crying.-writing just this much has taken me 3 tries! And my husband wonders why I watch tv all day! It's hard to start anything worthwhile with the little one needing my attention. I am blessed that I am able to give her my all. I was an elementary teacher before becoming a stay at home mom. This really is a full time job! I finally have a few minutes to sit and think and just let whatever come out my brain!

Today was a pretty good day till about 4:30 when she started to cry till 6. Before that, one of my friends, Rebekah, came over to visit for a bit. We have been close friends since we were 18 (I'm 27 now). It's wierd to think of all the life changes that we have gone through together. Through crappy boyfriends, college (we were roomies), living in different states for a short time, many shopping trips, apartments, marriage for both of us and a baby now for me. I am so thankful to God that He has placed such a great woman in my life! I think that it is vital for stay at home moms to find a few other close friends that they can connect with. I am very blessed that I have a lot of friends that happened to all get pregnant around the same time as me. Having that connection and understanding is so helpful. I also have 2 other close friends that understand me but don't have babies yet! My husband is wonderful, but sometimes I don't think he fully gets it. Being a mom is so much more involved, at least in the first year, with nursing and all. There is just a connection ( literal and emotional) that mother and child have. Ok, well speaking of nursing- it's bedtime for miss Isabella!